Major Tom
by MadWithMusic
Summary: [Fem!Cas] Dean and Cas live together in a small village by the ocean. Upon finding out of his father's impending death, Dean has to return to America, but this time he doesn't know when he'll be back. After an emotional departure, Dean sets sail. Cas becomes nervous when she doesn't hear from him for months, her mind running wild with worries of what could have happened.


_Major Tom_. Cas remembered the day Dean brought her the strange disc. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen before. At first it was just a large thin packet. It had a sepia picture of a shirtless man with a guitar on it and across the lower half, some red text. She wasn't sure what it meant, but she definitely recognized the language as English. She asked Dean what the purpose of the gift was and he showed her that the packet opened and she pulled out a large black disc. She didn't know what it was, but he explained to her that it was music. The concept of how one could get music onto a hard piece of plastic was completely absurd and she told Dean he had to be joking and that this was all part of some dumb American prank he brought home, but he promised her that later that night, after dinner, they'd go visit Bobby's house.

Dean kept to his word and brought Cas along to Bobby's house. While in America, Dean had been showed so many amazing things and new age wonders and he wanted to share them all with Cas. So they stayed at Bobby's house all the way until nightfall when he kicked them out, playing the song over and over again on the strange device Dean introduced as a 'record player'. Cas didn't understand any of the words, but the song sounded beautiful to her all the same. Dean got a pencil and paper and wrote out for her the lyrics in English as best he could and then the lyrics in their native language on the other side. Cas read through them and smiled. She still didn't quite understand what the song meant or the metaphor of the silver can, but she liked it.

Dean told her about all the marvels America had to offer - the buildings, the vehicles, and when he told her that they even had men in the skies, Cas just laughed and said he was lying. He told her the next time he went to America he'd bring her back proof. And he did. He showed her a picture they'd taken of the Earth and of the large shuttle that took them into space. He told her as much as he could about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and all the men that he could remember that once were up in space. And Cas was completely in love with America. It sounded like such a wonder, full of new technology and people and machinery that she'd never even seen before, but she didn't want to leave home. She felt home sick after spending just two nights with Dean in his home village before he moved to be with her.

Each time Dean went to America, he'd bring her back more discs and records and then would transcribe out the lyrics for her, trying to explain them so she'd understand. Eventually Bobby passed, but he said for Dean and Cas to have the record player. So Cas kept it in her bedroom so that she could listen to the music whenever she wanted. Even when she was pronounced a full grown woman and moved out of her parent's house and into her own with Dean, she kept the player. She kept it right by the bed still and some nights she and Dean would stay up until dawn listening to the songs and talking, laughing, or sometimes just laying together listening in peaceful silence.

As time went on, Dean and Cas tried for children, but to no avail. They prayed to the Gods of Fertility and Life, hoping that just once, Cas would take and she and Dean would have a child of their own. Years passed and all of Cas's childhood friends now had multiple offspring and as happy as she was for them, more than anything in the world, she wanted her own. She wanted a child that she could love and care for, to raise and teach, to watch grow from a little boy or girl into a handsome young man or beautiful woman.

One specific time while Dean was in America, Cas thought they'd finally succeeded; That she and Dean were finally going to be parents. She wrote Dean a letter, bustling with excitement and joy. But after the letter had only been sent for a few days, she got the sign that everything was a false alarm. She immediately sent another letter out to Dean full of disappointment and pain, telling him about how the women in the village had been mocking her and calling her infertile and at this point she was seriously convinced she was. In three weeks time, she received Dean's first reply. He was ecstatic about it and already telling how excited his family was. If she hadn't been so quick to jump to conclusions, she wouldn't have to think about Dean being so overjoyed and then having that all be shattered. Cas held his letter in her hands and cried.

Five days later she received his second response. This time it was a protected package. She opened it and saw something wrapped in newspaper. She already knew by the size that it was another record, but she immediately tore open Dean's letter. Dean told her that it was alright and that he loved her more than anything in the world and that even if it did turn out that she was infertile, he'd love her all the same. He said that he'd be coming home in two months and was already missing her so much. He told her how bad he felt that everyone was harassing her about something out of her control and at the bottom of the letter, he directed her to open the newspaper.

Cas carefully unfolded the disc, only to see another piece of paper fall out. She read through it and on one side were lyrics in English and on the other side were the one's in the language she knew. She didn't want to read them until she heard the song - wanting to appreciate the sound of the music and the words before she understood them. After putting the record in the player she immediately recognized the voice belonging to the same man who sung the song about Major Tom. This song was nice too and felt very happy and fun, but she still liked the first one better. Dean sent her and brought her home many records and albums, of which she knew the words to by heart even if she didn't know quite what she was saying. But the disc she always returned to and loved was the first one Dean ever gave her. _Major Tom._

Eventually she and Dean came to the conclusion that she wasn't able to bear children, but they were alright with that. They had each other and they loved each other, so that's what counted. Their house was small anyways, so it was probably for the better. They lived on their own on the shore, helping bring in fish for the village. Dean still went to America and Cas's record collection kept growing and growing until she had to start another stack of records since the first one was above her head.

Dean was leaving for America again. This time he didn't know how long he would be gone. He got word that his father was sick and going to die anytime between in a few months to a few years, but he was going to remain sickly the whole time until then, so he had to go to America and stay with him until he passed.

Cas laid her head against Dean's chest, holding back tears.

"It's not any different than normal, baby." Dean assured her, resting their foreheads together. "So don't cry, okay? I'm not going forever."

"But what if your father gets better and never dies?" Cas had sniffled.

"Well, for one, that's not possible. I wouldn't be going all the way back unless they were certain. And they are. And two, if he has some miraculous recovery, the day he's not dying, I'll be on that boat coming home to you." Dean explained.

"You promise?" Cas asked.

"I promise." Dean smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I promise I'll always come back to you."

"I love you." Cas smiled, tears running down her cheeks.

"I love you too, Castiel." Dean breathed, softly kissing her. "More than anything in the world."

"I don't want you to go." Cas whimpered.

"I don't want to go either." Dean replied. "But I have to. If there were any other way at all, I would use that, but there's not."

"Everyone's gonna make fun of me again." Cas cried, fists clenched tightly around Dean's coat. "They're gonna tell me that it must be horrible to have a husband who always wants to run away from me."

"Someday I won't have to be gone so much and they'll see how much I love you." Dean said. "Just stay strong, okay? Will you do that for me?"

Cas nodded, crying into Dean's neck.

"Good. And just know that the only reason they make fun of you is because of how unhappy they are in their own marriages."

"My family thinks I'm a disgrace." Cas sobbed. "Not only am I unable to bear children, but I didn't even wed someone in the same village."

"Yeah well too bad." Dean stammered. "Sucks for them, right? You shouldn't care what anyone thinks, honey. What really matters is that I love you and you love me."

"Oi! Come on, lover boy! We're gonna leave without you!" Someone shouted.

All the other men were already on the boat, having said their goodbyes a long time ago. Cas and Dean were the only ones left on the beach - standing on the port.

"I have to go, Cas." Dean whispered, pressing a longing kiss to her lips. "I can't miss the boat."

"I know." Cas sighed, letting him go.

"I'll write you the second I get there, okay?"

Cas nodded, still crying, but fighting to smile.

"I'll still be here. Waiting for my _Major Tom_ to return." She laughed painfully.

"Your _Major Tom_ is gonna be right back. Then he won't have to go away again for a while." Dean smiled.

Cas quietly began humming the tune to the song as Dean pressed his forehead against hers once more.

"Watch out!" He yelled, turning to the ship and throwing his bag of clothes and belongings up. Two men caught it and lugged it over the side onto the deck.

"I love you." Dean said quetly.

_"I...love you, again_." Cas whispered in English, trying her hardest.

"_Also. I love you also_." Dean chuckled, correcting her.

"_I love you also_." She stated.

A small sob escaped Dean's lips as well and he kissed her one last time. They both held into each other like they were hanging on for their lives, but Dean had to pull away.

Cas could see the tears stinging at his eyes as he smiled. "I'll see you when I get home."

Cas nodded silently, smiling back.

Dean climbed up the ladder onto the ship and immediately ran to the end overlooking the port where Cas stood.

"I love you!" He yelled, his voice cracking.

"I love you more!" She called back, before starting to sing the lines to Major Tom - her tongue trained to pronounce each word perfectly - even if they were in English.

The ship let out a loud blare and two smokestacks shot up murky air. Slowly the ship pulled out of the harbor, forcing Dean further from Cas. She waved at him and he waved back, straining to hear her as she sang. A tear ran down his cheek as he thought to himself how beautiful she looked - standing on the dock in a long white dress, ocean breeze blowing it through the air. She had put pink flowers in her hair, just like Dean loved and they were still visible as bright flecks in a sea of dark brown.

Dean watched her shrink as the ship picked up speed. Even though he was near sobbing, he smiled widely, her voice now completely lost in the sounds of the boat and the wind.

"What's up with you, mate? Why you so emotional all of the sudden?" Another shipmate laughed, standing next to him.

"Don't you love your wife?" Dean scoffed, keeping his eyes trained on the white figure on the beach, still waving at him.

"Well sure, but it's not like you're not coming back in a few months." His shipmate mused.

"I know." Dean whispered, wiping his face on the sleeve of his coat.

If Dean could have picked a last memory of Cas to have, it would be this one. It would be Cas standing on the beach in her nicest dress with flowers woven through her hair singing to him.

* * *

><p>Months passed and Cas heard no word from Dean. She'd begun sending letters to his old addresses and to his family, but not once got a response. Everyone in the village began telling her that he left to go be with a real woman - someone who would give him right and proper children. She feared they were correct, but maybe she only believed them because it was better than believing the alternative.<p>

After a year and a half of no replies and no letters, no record discs or albums, Cas gave up. Dean went to America and he wasn't coming back. He found something better for him in America. _Someone_. Someone who gave him more than Cas did and with each passing day of no word from him, she felt her heart break a little more.

And one chilly winter day, Cas got word of Dean. Someone knocked at her door and she answered it. She tilted her head to the side in confusion, staring blankly at the man dressed in uniform.

"Mrs. Winchester?" He stated.

"That's me." She said quietly.

"I've been sent here on behalf of the Central Capital." He began.

"What would the Central Capital be doing here? With me?" She asked, interrupting him.

"Around six years ago, a ship came here to pick up passengers and take them to America." The official sighed. "The ship never pulled into the port and no one heard from anyone on board."

"What does this have to do with me?" Cas frowned.

"A few months back, some wreckage washed ashore. With it was an airtight box of captain's logs. A team of researchers volunteered to restore the files as much as they could. The voyage information told us that the ship carried many passengers from your village." He continued. Cas felt her stomach twisting itself in knots, worried she knew what was coming. "Across all the villages on the coast, over 200 men were lost. I'm sorry to inform you that your husband was on that ship when it went down."

A choking noise left her mouth at the words, and tears instantly began streaming down her face. "Oh God." She whimpered, covering her mouth with her hand.

The Capital officer looked at her sympathetically.

"Thank you." She offered him a pained smile.

The official looked past her as he heard frantic footsteps running through the house.

"Who is it, mommy?" A small freckled child asked, tugging on her dress.

"He's from the Central Capital, sweety." Cas choked, running her hand through her son's hair.

The child looked in alarm and hid under the long skirt of her dress.

"It's alright. He's not gonna hurt you." Cas said, lifting the back of her dress and ushering the green-eyed boy out. "Peter, why don't you go back to playing?"

"Mommy, you're crying." The child frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, honey." She smiled, patting him on the back and gently pushing him back into the house. "Go play with your friends."

"Are you sure?" Peter asked.

"I'm sure. Go play." Cas stated, standing back up and facing the Capital officer. "Sorry."

"It's alright." He chuckled, watching as the child ran out the backside of the house into the open field. "How old is he?"

"A few months older than five years." Cas sighed, taking a sharp inhale and wiping his face off. "You should probably go. I'm sure you have more families to get to."

"Very well then. I'm... sorry for your loss." He dropped his head to his chest in respect and then stepped back.

"Thank you." She smiled weakly, voice hardly over a whisper, shutting the door. As soon as the door shut into place, she sank down to the floor, sliding down against the wood. She ran a stressed hand through her hair and then broke down sobbing right there.

She sat on the floor, crying for what felt like forever, gasping for breath as she weeped. Finally the tears slowed and she could finally see even though her eyes felt like she'd just stared at the sun for hours. Cas stood up and went into her room, practically tearing her clothes off until she was standing naked in front of the mirror.

She turned to her closet and reached for a dress far in the back. She never thought she'd have to wear it this young, but she picked it up and held it up in the reflection. She smoothed it out against her body before putting it on. When she was younger she always wanted to wear one. They were dark like the night and soft, made only with the finest satin. But back then she didn't understand what they meant and the dread that came with wearing them.

She stood in the mirror and laced up the front of the dress. She let out a laugh of pain as she looked at how gorgeous it was, despite the ugliness of death that it represented. It was as long as the white dress she used to wear that Dean loved so much. Cas removed the tie from her hair and let it fall over her shoulders, the long locks draping over her chest. She grabbed the black scarf that went with the dress and wrapped it over her head and neck, her hair barely visible beneath all the black.

Cas looked at herself in the mirror and wiped her cheeks, shiny and wet. Slowly she left her room and then her house. She walked down to the water at the harbor where Dean left from. She stood in the shallow part letting the waves hit her feet. The water was cold and she shivered as it splashed parts of her ankles and legs. Cas stood still for a moment before breaking down crying again and running into the water. Those who were outside watched in horror as she ran into the water.

The water was freezing. It felt like she was being burned all over as it touched more of her skin. People were gathering around on the shore, watching as she kept going until the water was at her neck. She started swimming from there until the water was far over her head, thankful that there was no undertow today. Cas took a deep breath and then dunked herself underneath, releasing a loud scream as soon as she opened her eyes. Every inch of her body was burning numb and stung as she held herself under. Beneath the water's surface, the people on the shore were blurred blobs of color, but she could see them moving around in a panic. Finally, she shut her eyes and brought herself up over the surface. She calmly began swimming back to shore and someone ran into their house and brought a blanket for her.

She reached the shore and everyone immediately began asking her why she did that and what was going on. She ignored them and pushed away the offered blanket, walking back dripping wet to her house.

Someone grabbed her by the arms and stood in front of her. "What happened, Castiel?"

"Ground Control couldn't get to Major Tom." She croaked, standing shivering in the sand then pushed the woman off her and continued back up the walkway to her door.

* * *

><p>AN: I live! Kindof. I fractured my spine a while back. But I was watching the Secret Life of Walter Mitty with some friends last night and spewed out a nasty Destiel headcanon that rendered the responses, "No." "Haley, no." "Fuck off." and "Not nice!" so I just had to write it. So this was the outcome. Also, I'm still looking for people to meet at Phoenix and VegasCon in the upcoming months, so message me if you'll be in attendance. :)


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